Are you familiar with the term “secondary victimization“? This occurs when a crime victim experiences further harm due to a lack of recognition or misunderstanding by authorities. In this article, I will explain secondary victimization using examples.
What is secondary victimization?
Secondary victimization, also known as re-victimization, occurs when someone becomes a victim of the same crime again, often due to misunderstanding by authorities or bystanders.
For instance, a person involved in a collision might be dismissed by the insurance company. While this is a relatively mild inconvenience, secondary victimization often leads to much more serious consequences, extending beyond financial issues.
These consequences are shaped by reactions from family and friends, as well as the care provided. Ambiguous responses can exacerbate secondary victimization.
Secondary victimization and narcissistic abuse
If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, you have probably heard the following phrases:
- “Where two argue, two are to blame.”
- “You have to take people as they are, and if you can’t handle it, just leave him/her.”
- “No, I don’t think so, he’s such a nice person. He doesn’t do such horrible things.”
- “A narcissist? Well, you just don’t like each other!”
- “I don’t believe that, every person has something good in them.”
- “Don’t pretend! You have to be a little harder on yourself.”
My narcissistic mother often said the last one to me whenever I was upset about an injustice done to me.
Secondary victimization is very common among victims of narcissistic abuse and other forms of psychological violence. This happens partly because the abuse is not visible to the outside world, and partly because many people cannot imagine the kind of toxic individuals that exist.
Below, I provide some examples of secondary victimization.
Examples of secondary victimization from my own experience
As a child growing up with a narcissistic mother, I experienced a lot of secondary victimization. This mainly began when I started school.
Being the scapegoat put me at a significant disadvantage. At home, I learned not to stand up for myself, or else I would be punished. Unfortunately, schools show no mercy for anxious and insecure children, and I was bullied throughout my entire school life.
School days
One of my earliest memories of bullying was in kindergarten. A boy threw my belongings on the floor, and when I bent down to pick them up, he kicked me in the face.
I reported this to the kindergarten teacher, telling her that Gert-Jan had kicked me. Her response was, “Gert-Jan? No, I don’t believe that!”
This was my first clear experience of secondary victimization, and it was far from the last. Figuratively, I received that kick in the face many more times, with the bullying only intensifying in the schools that followed.
In other articles, I mentioned that my narcissistic mother was involved in all the parent committees at my schools, and that most teachers disliked me from the outset.
It’s highly likely that she slandered me during these meetings. I was a victim of psychological abuse at home, but the teachers perceived me as a troublemaker.
When I was bullied, the teachers never intervened—except when I fought back. This was especially true in my sixth year of primary school. Occasionally, the teacher would call home, and when my father answered, the teacher would always inquire about my mother…
Blaming the victim
After primary school, I attended Technical School. Our class teacher, Mr. Heinkens, always blamed me for everything. He was known for having a quick temper. According to him, I was bullied because I secretly laughed, for instance, when someone was sent out of class.
The truth is, I laughed not because I found it amusing but because I felt uncomfortable and didn’t know how else to react. But of course, expecting empathy from a teacher is asking too much…
Once, he sent someone out of class and threw his bag after him. Everyone laughed, but of course, he singled me out once again. He struck me hard on the head with the flat of his hand. “So Herman, if you find amusement in someone else’s suffering, then we’ll find amusement in your suffering,” he added. The rest of the class now laughed even harder.
Bullied at work
In the late 1990s, due to unemployment, I was placed in the job pool where the foundation assigned jobs, mostly municipal ones. One day, a person singled me out and began bullying me, causing considerable stress at home. As I mentioned in the article “Covert Narcissism vs Overt Narcissism”, I recounted the ordeal with a hostile consultant who later coerced me into joining a damaging project in Norway.
Reflecting on this, I recall my time working for a local government foundation (1997 – 1998). There was a counselor who wasn’t particularly liked, and female colleagues often left his office in tears. My understanding of the disdain grew as I had more interactions with him.
In 1998, a new “colleague” arrived, whom I would now describe as a full-blown psychopath based on today’s knowledge. He targeted me, and his relentless bullying, which he attributed entirely to me, eventually led to me being at home, utterly exhausted.
During this period, the counselor intensified his interference with me, treating me as someone lazy and ultimately coercing me to join the so-called “Snowball Project.”
The “Snowball Project” involved camping in Norway with a group that included ex-junkies, alcoholics, and other individuals with various issues. Some members of the group targeted me, and it escalated to the point where one person threatened me with a knife.
Certainly, I cannot definitively diagnose this counselor as a covert narcissist. However, his sadistic behavior in the position of power he held raises thought-provoking questions.
The above quote comes from the article: Covert narcissism vs overt narcissism.
Even when I was still in the job pool, there was a colleague who dismissed everyone’s health issues as mere stress. To him, anyone calling in sick was just avoiding work. I likely faced similar judgment when I was stressed.
This is a classic case of secondary victimization. First, you endure bullying until it leaves you stressed at home. Then, instead of recognition, you’re treated as if you’re slacking off.
Society often fails to grasp unseen struggles. When your legs are in plaster, people understand. But when you suffer psychological abuse, it’s invisible. Yes, they notice symptoms, but during school, there’s no tolerance, just more terror. And as an adult, people often judge negatively, without considering the underlying causes.
The prevailing belief is that we should be brave, persistent, and, above all, not complain. Victims of psychological abuse often adhere to this notion. They overstep their own boundaries, further exacerbating their damage.
Secondary victimization on the Internet
Secondary victimization isn’t confined to real life—it extends to the internet. Surprisingly, platforms like Facebook are among the riskiest places to broach sensitive topics. While trolls may be banned on certain forums, they often roam freely on social media.
As mentioned earlier regarding covert narcissism, social media provides the perfect outlet for hidden narcissists to unleash their animosity and aggression towards strangers without fear of identification.
Yet, it’s not just trolls who spread hateful comments online. Many individuals hastily pass judgment and post hurtful remarks without considering the impact.
Recognition of being a victim
If you’re involved in a car accident, there’s usually a chance the driver will admit fault, leading to acknowledgment of the incident. However, when dealing with a toxic individual like a narcissist, recognition is scarce.
In severe instances where legal action is taken, the suspect may be advised by their lawyer to display remorse to secure a lighter sentence. This insincerity feels like false acknowledgment to the victim.
Yet, in most cases of psychological abuse, the perpetrator faces no legal consequences. They can devastate someone’s life without repercussion.
No diagnosis, no recognition…
Even if you seek regular care and share your experience as a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may not receive acknowledgment. Some require a formal diagnosis, which poses a challenge as narcissists often resist such labels and shift blame onto the victim.
The lack of recognition for one’s suffering is the most painful aspect of secondary victimization.
Regrettably, this acknowledgment is often elusive from most individuals who may lack understanding of pathological narcissism. Prioritize self-recognition and seek support from others who have experienced similar situations, as they truly grasp the depth of your ordeal.
Self-victimization
Many victims find themselves inclined to blame themselves, especially after enduring the constant blame-shifting tactics of a narcissist.
Repeatedly being told that everything is your fault can lead you to internalize that belief. Consequently, even when others downplay the injustice you’ve faced, you may start to believe it yourself.
I would term this type of secondary victimization as self-victimization.
Distinguishing between being a victim and remaining in a victim role
The term “victim” has been recurrent in this article. While many therapists discourage its use, I believe it has its place. However, I make a clear differentiation between being a victim and being entrenched in victimhood.
Initially, you are simply a victim of narcissistic abuse, and it’s crucial to acknowledge this, even to yourself. Yet, once you begin to process your experiences, you must transition toward moving forward with your life. It’s essential to step out of the victim role.
Also check out the article “Victim Mentality: Leave it behind and make your life better” for further insights.
That wraps up this discussion on secondary victimization. I trust it has shed light on what secondary victimization entails and its impact on individuals. Do you have any thoughts or additional points to share? Feel free to leave a comment below. Remember, knowledge empowers!
