The narcissist and the psychopath share many similarities but also have distinct differences. In this article, I’ll delve into the commonalities and disparities between these two personality types.
What defines a psychopath?
Often, the media portrays psychopaths as murderous villains, creating a misconception of their true nature. In reality, psychopaths blend in seamlessly, with many never committing violent acts. Their charm and verbal prowess often mask their true intentions.
Approximately one percent of the population is psychopathic, but they make up about five percent of those in leadership roles.
“A psychopath lacks conscience”
The hallmark of a psychopath is their absence of conscience. Similar to narcissists, they lack empathy and guilt, but unlike narcissists, this trait is inherent in psychopaths.
The emotional irregularities observed in psychopaths can be traced to the limbic system (including the amygdala and insula), the prefrontal cortex, and the frontal lobes. Psychopaths often exhibit damage or abnormalities in these brain regions, particularly the amygdala, which may have more gray matter irregularities compared to neurotypical individuals.
Psychopaths can effectively mimic normal emotions and behaviors, making them difficult to recognize or diagnose. However, their emotional responses are typically shallow. For instance, while most people experience negative emotions upon hearing the word “cancer”, a psychopath may react to it as casually as they would to any mundane word, like “chair”.
“A psychopath lacks fear”
Another notable trait is the almost complete absence of fear in psychopaths. Typical fear responses, like sweaty hands or heightened anxiety, are notably absent in psychopaths.
An illustrative example from a documentary comes to mind: when stopped by the police, an ordinary individual with something to hide would likely become visibly nervous. However, a psychopath would remain entirely composed under such circumstances, even if there were a dead body in the trunk.
By the way, it’s not entirely accurate to say that psychopaths have absolutely no fear. It varies from person to person. However, psychopaths typically require a much stronger stimulus to experience fear, and they often have a reduced ability to recognize danger.
During my school years, I experienced a lot of bullying. Most of the bullies were followers who eventually stopped their behavior.
However, there were a few individuals at both primary and secondary school who simply couldn’t stop bullying, even when they saw the emotional distress they caused. In fact, they seemed to enjoy it.
These same individuals were also the ones who engaged in the most reckless behavior and appeared to have no fear whatsoever. For instance, they would place objects on train tracks just as a train approached.
Their apparent fearlessness often led other children to perceive them as tough. But with what I know now, I suspect that these individuals may have been psychopaths.
“A psychopath displays impulsive behavior”
Psychopaths frequently engage in antisocial behavior. They tend to have short-lived relationships and lead promiscuous lifestyles involving alcohol and drugs.
Another characteristic of psychopaths is their tendency to move frequently without any apparent reason. This behavior stems from their restless minds and impulsive nature.
“A psychopath is a compulsive liar”
Psychopaths habitually lie, and even when confronted with evidence disproving their falsehoods, they remain undeterred. They persistently repeat their lies with unwavering conviction, much like they are speaking the truth.
Similar to narcissists, this tendency often results in the perpetrator being believed over the victim, despite the facts being against them.
Psychopath vs Narcissist
I frequently come across accounts from fellow survivors discussing a narcissistic psychopath. While both are distinct psychological disorders, this designation is indeed accurate.
Every psychopath exhibits narcissistic traits, but not every narcissist is a psychopath. The key distinction lies in the fact that psychopaths are inherently so, while narcissists develop narcissistic tendencies.
You can also check out the article “What is a Narcissist?” for further insights.
Lack of Empathy
Both the psychopath and the narcissist lack a conscience. However, there’s a distinction worth noting. For instance, a narcissist might experience some shame if caught in a malicious act. Yet, this shame doesn’t stem from empathy. Instead, the narcissist is solely focused on preserving their self-image, even if it’s false.
In contrast, a psychopath remains unfazed when caught committing a crime. They’re indifferent to others’ opinions labeling them negatively.
Shifting Blame to the Victim
Both psychopaths and narcissists often deflect blame onto their victims. However, there are subtle differences, as narcissists primarily do this to protect their own image.
An example of a psychopath blaming the victim is seen a controversial murder case in the Netherlands.
During his trial, the perpetrator claimed that his victim said to him, “Are you going to rape me now?” So, he felt compelled to do so…
After that, allegedly, she said, “Now are you going to kill me?” And so, he believed he had to do just that…
It’s beyond comprehension and underscores a serious flaw in the legal system when it comes to addressing and rehabilitating such irredeemable psychopaths. In the following video, Robert D. Hare explains why attempting to rehabilitate a psychopath is futile.
The example above is typical of how a psychopath shifts blame onto the victim. While it’s an extreme case, similar patterns emerge in less severe crimes.
For instance, it’s common to see news reports about individuals in high positions arrested for fraud and self-enrichment. They often react with anger, feeling unjustly accused of something they perceive as “trivial”. In their minds, they believe they’ve done nothing wrong.
Reckless Behavior
Both the narcissist and the psychopath exhibit reckless behavior. Neither can foresee the potential consequences of their actions. This trait can lead to short-term success, such as in investments, but in the long run, it often results in chaos and damage.
Psychopath as Employer
Between 1999 and 2001, I worked for a courier service where I believe the employer exhibited psychopathic traits. Looking back, it’s evident that this individual fit the profile.
I joined the company after leaving a workplace due to bullying, as I discussed in my articles “Covert Narcissism vs. Overt Narcissism” and “Flying Monkeys“.
Initially, I worked for this courier service on a trial basis through a job pool, receiving my salary from there, essentially working for free. Any fines incurred, I had to cover, so I strictly adhered to speed limits.
My morning route involved delivering medications to rural doctors in the countryside, extending on Mondays and Fridays to include villages in remote areas in the northeast of the Netherlands.
However, the courier service owner expected me back at the same time on these longer days as on the others. When I attempted to explain the logistical challenge due to the additional stops, it fell on deaf ears.
He consistently complained that I wasn’t going fast enough, even bringing it up with my unsympathetic consultant at the job pool (see article “Covert Narcissism“).
This was like a gift to him. He launched into a dramatic lecture: “I couldn’t believe my ears. Someone who races for fun on the race track is too slow!”
Note: During that period, I was actively involved in track days, sprints, slaloms, etc.
Role of Narcissistic Mother
Looking back, I realize I should have quit that job then and there. It would have spared me a lot of trouble. But I felt pressured by that unpleasant consultant. He kept threatening to assign me a lousy assembly line job if I messed up.
My narcissistic mother played a questionable role in this too. She encouraged me to drive faster on those days, saying that fast driving suited me because of my motorsport hobby. A caring mother would have urged caution.
Caught up in codependency, and desperate to escape the job pool and rid myself of that consultant, I foolishly followed my narcissistic mother’s advice. But speeding a few kilometers faster didn’t save much time. So on Mondays and Fridays, I drove like a maniac, stressed out.
I consistently drove 30 Miles over the speed limit, flirting with losing my license. Yet, with the extra addresses and distance, completing the route in the same time wasn’t feasible. And the complaints continued.
One day, he said he’d ride along sometime to prove it could be done easily. I told him to come on a Monday or Friday…
The next Wednesday morning, when I picked up the van, he was already behind the wheel. He had told the consultant he’d done the route himself, but it quickly became clear he couldn’t handle it. And when he made mistakes, I was blamed for not showing him the right way!
Pathological lying
Because we took the shorter route, we returned “on time.” “See? It can be done easily”, he declared triumphantly. He didn’t even acknowledge my remark that we’d taken the shorter route. And so, that Friday, the familiar grumbling resumed.
He kept insisting that he’d accompanied me. I noticed that we hadn’t been to ‘t Zandt, one of the remote villages in the northeast of the Netherlands. With a stern expression, he insisted, “We did go to ‘t Zandt!” It was a blatant lie, and he knew it. But he stated it with such conviction, as if he truly believed it.
What stood out was that this employer never listened to reason. He would shout over any arguments and then dismiss them. He’d spew utter nonsense just to make his point.
Long rides
Despite everything, I ended up working for him after six months on a trial basis. From then on, I also received emergency rides, many of which took me abroad. During this time, I made numerous trips to Germany and Belgium. However, there were also journeys to Poland and Sweden.
At first, it might seem exciting, and that’s what I initially thought. But the working conditions were far from ideal. You were expected to keep driving until you reached your destination, even if it meant driving all night.
When I had to travel to Sweden, a 1250 Mile journey (one way), I nearly fell asleep at the wheel. I pulled over and took a nap for an hour along the way. Once I was awake, I resumed driving and managed to deliver the load by noon.
On the return journey, I checked into a hotel in the evening because I was completely exhausted. I slept there for a straight 9 hours. The next morning, as I waited for the ferry from Gothenburg to Frederikshaven at noon, the employer called.
He wanted to know where I was, and when I told him, his response was, “What, did you sleep?!” As if I could drive for two nights straight without rest…
Intimidation
Confronting him about the poor working conditions was a risky move. He would fly into a rage, launching severe reprimands along with threats of punishment for daring to complain.
As my employment continued, the pressure he exerted increased. Eventually, I was only granted Sundays off. When I raised the topic of overtime pay, he dismissed it outright, claiming I hadn’t accrued any.
There were days when I stayed home awaiting a call for a ride. He viewed this as free time, though I couldn’t go anywhere because I had to remain on standby.
Incidentally, there were occasions when he would call on Sundays. If you weren’t available, you’d face a confrontation on Monday. It essentially boiled down to being at his beck and call 24/7.
As the wait dragged on during standby days, tension mounted. It was nerve-wracking because you could be dispatched to southern Germany in the evening and end up driving all night.
Once, after about 7 hours behind the wheel, I delivered a load near Stuttgart (southern Germany) at midnight. When I called to update him, I asked if I could sleep in the next morning. His response? “Yes, you can sleep until 9:00 AM”.
No more life of my own
My life became consumed by work. Either I was on the road or I was waiting for a call. I put in 60-hour weeks, with only Sundays for recovery.
Occasionally, someone from the employment office would visit to check on things. Once, I confided in them about the poor working conditions and unpaid overtime.
This led to an interview at the employment office with my employer. He immediately played the victim, complaining of feeling unwell. “Let’s keep this brief then,” the employment office representative said.
I presented my meticulously kept time sheets, but my employer brushed it off with his usual bluster. He claimed I laughed on the days I wasn’t called in. There was little laughter with this employer.
After the meeting, I took my time sheets home. Despite some vague promises, nothing changed.
Caught in a lie again…
A week later, the employer claimed that the man from the employment office had called him, asserting he had checked my time sheets and found no evidence of extra hours worked.
I knew this couldn’t be true because I had my time sheets with me. He was clearly lying, but it didn’t faze him. He just kept repeating the lie.
In early 2015, when I delved into psychological disorders to understand my mother’s behavior, I stumbled upon a description of this exact situation. It turned out to be a textbook example of psychopathic behavior.
Playing employees off against each other
This employer also fueled conflicts among employees. He would tell other drivers that I only wanted to take the enjoyable routes. During the meeting at the employment office, he even claimed this was why others were starting to dislike me…
I wasn’t the only one raising concerns about the poor working conditions. Other drivers voiced similar complaints. Some even sought new employment opportunities and left.
A colleague once made the mistake of discussing the inadequate working conditions with a client. However, this client happened to be an acquaintance of the employer, who casually mentioned it. Consequently, this colleague faced repercussions.
The employer labeled this colleague as a cry baby. Some coworkers sided with him, likely out of fear of the psychopath. I chose to remain silent, realizing I was being portrayed in a similar negative light in front of my colleagues.
Stressed
In the end, I experienced significant stress. I can recall a particular Saturday while driving when the warning lights at a level crossing began flashing. These lights indicate that the railway barriers are closing, signaling that you should stop.
However, I was so mentally drained that the significance of these lights escaped me. I continued driving, unaware that the railway barriers were already closing. Fortunately, I managed to pass under them just in time.
To me, this incident served as a warning that things were going downhill. But what could I have done? The employer considered it perfectly normal for employees to toil away for minimum wage.
During that period, I was living on my own. Due to lack of time to cook, I often had meals with my mother, unaware at the time that she had a narcissistic personality disorder.
On what would turn out to be my last day at work, after a grueling day, I received a call informing me of an additional 160 Mile long ride in the evening. Mentally exhausted, I went to my mother’s place for a meal. As soon as I stepped in, the phone rang again, requesting me to pick up a package on the way, which I declined.
Despite my exhaustion, I completed the ride that evening. The next day, my mother called in sick on my behalf. She took action, something I appreciated at the time. Looking back, she had observed my decline for a while and initially stood up for that terrible employer.
Now, knowing what I know, I suspect she did so knowingly, perhaps to later portray herself as a hero.
Sickness Benefits Act
I went on sick leave and documented the entire ordeal for the company doctor. Thankfully, he recognized the futility of sending me back to that employer.
Simultaneously, I reported the situation to the union. They pursued the case for unpaid overtime and non-compliance with the collective labor agreement.
It emerged that he was exploiting a subsidy scheme, where he received reimbursement for my salary up to the minimum wage. And indeed, the minimum wage was all he paid me. Essentially, I was working for him for free!
Ultimately, this deceit landed him with hefty additional taxes, while I received a satisfying sum in my bank account. However, no amount of money could compensate for the three years of suffering.
Unmasking the Psychopath
It would be around 15 years before I realized that this employer was likely a psychopath. This realization dawned on me after cutting ties with my mother and delving into various psychological disorders to understand her toxic behavior, as detailed in the article “Narcissistic mother“.
I delved into psychopathy, among other topics. While I saw elements of my narcissistic mother in the description of a psychopath, it was my former employer who perfectly fit the profile!
The habitual lying, the intimidation tactics, the ruthless exploitation of employees, and the manipulation tactics all aligned with the traits of a psychopath. Even his constant relocating, I discovered, was characteristic of a psychopath.
The Charming Psychopath
About a year after leaving my former employer, I began a reintegration process. During this time, I briefly shared my experience of being exploited by my last employer. When I mentioned the company’s name, someone expressed surprise, saying, “Did you have issues with…?” It turned out to be an acquaintance who couldn’t believe I had problems with such a “nice man”.
This incident highlighted how adept psychopaths are at presenting themselves as charming and manipulating others. It’s a reminder of the importance of recognizing the signs of psychopathy and narcissism, and my own encounters with them. If you have any comments or additional insights, feel free to share them. Knowledge is power!
