Living with a narcissist…
Do you think you may be living with a narcissist? Maybe one of your parents or partner is displaying narcissistic behavior.
While previous estimates stated that about 1% of the population suffered from narcissism, the current number is now 6.2%. Narcissism – and therefore narcissistic abuse – is increasingly common in our society.
Living with a narcissist is very exhausting and does not provide a healthy living situation. It is more surviving than living. Do you think you are dealing with it, and would you like to get more information? Then we can help you. You have just taken the first step to life without narcissistic abuse.
First of all, you are not alone. This website was created by survivors of narcissistic abuse. We know exactly how you feel and how you can best be helped out of this distressing situation.
We give you all the tools to learn how to deal with a narcissist and protect yourself. And we enable you to finally say goodbye to a narcissist. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
What is narcissism?
Let’s start at the beginning. Narcissism is a term from psychology. It is a form of behavior characterized by an obsession with the person itself (often appearance), selfishness, dominance, and a lack of empathy. A person who exhibits narcissistic behavior is called a narcissist.
Do you recognize the behavior of someone in the above definition of narcissism? Then you can speak of narcissistic behavior.
8 Signs of Narcissism
Narcissistic behavior can often be recognized by the following characteristics:
- Morbid jealousy
- Controlling
- Manipulative
- lying
- Superiority
- Mood swings
- Lack of self-insight
- Reproachful
Do you recognize several of the above characteristics in someone? Then you know a narcissistic person and it is wise to take action.
However, be careful not to label someone too quickly. It is quite possible that someone has narcissistic traits, but is not necessarily a narcissist. That’s because narcissism spans a whole spectrum. It goes from one side of the spectrum with only narcissistic traits, to the other (extreme) side where it concerns a narcissistic personality disorder.
The problem is that it is not very easy to determine. A narcissist is very good at manipulating conversations. From the outside, they will, therefore, always show the perfect self-image. Behind closed doors is where things go wrong.
In which groups do we most often see narcissistic behavior?
According to official figures, we most often see features of narcissistic behavior in men. At 7.7% of men, to be exact. For women, this percentage is 4.8%. However, it must be said that female narcissists are more often covert narcissists.
Particularly ages 20 – 29 display the highest amount of narcissistic behavior. (9.4%).
What about living with a narcissist?
Now that you think you are likely dealing with a narcissist and you share your life with them, the question is how to deal with it. First, to ensure that you can properly defend yourself against narcissistic behavior. And with the ultimate goal of distancing yourself from the narcissist. Because unfortunately, living with a narcissist never has a happy ending.
Narcissism is not a disease and therefore cannot be cured. You always have the option of living with a narcissist and its consiquences. However, the best choice is learning to say goodbye to them.
Avoid confrontation
First of all, it is important to know that you are not going to reveal to the narcissist that see their behavior as wrong. I understand very well that as a victim, you would like to do this. You naturally hope for recognition, understanding, or you hope that the narcissist will become a better person.
This is unfortunately an illusion. I found this out myself when I confronted my narcissistic mother about her behavior. A narcissist lives in their own made-up reality. So you are not dealing with a rational and logically thinking individual.
Don’t feed the narcissist
A narcissist is constantly looking for attention. It does not matter whether it concerns positive attention or negative attention. A narcissist will always attract positive or negative attention from you. Try to respond neutrally when this happens.
For example, don’t make a value judgment when a narcissist says something negative about you or others. When the narcissist doesn’t get attention, it will look elsewhere. And this gives you more peace of mind to focus on the next step.
From dependent to independent
An essential step to liberate yourself from a narcissist is to ensure independence. A narcissist likes it when you are dependent on them. Because if you depend on the narcissist, then the narcissist can start blackmailing you. And emotional blackmail is the weapon of choice for a narcissist to control you.
A good way to become independent from a narcissist is to start doing more and more on your own, without the narcissist’s presence. For example, do you live with a narcissistic partner and do you currently do a lot together? Then gradually try to do more and more alone, or together with friends. Activities like walking or exercising.
Back in your power
While doing independent activities, it is crucial that you find your strength again. Often victims of narcissistic abuse have low self-esteem. Logical because a narcissist is a master at bringing down your self-confidence.
So try to regain your confidence. For example, have you become insecure about your appearance because of the narcissist? Then try to exercise and feel good about yourself. Or maybe you don’t feel valuable enough to society. Then try to learn a new profession or trade with which you can feel value again. As soon as you start to gain confidence, the narcissist will notice. Therefore, do not immediately try to behave differently at home to prevent negative behavior.
Living with a narcissist?
Are you currently living with a narcissistic woman or man as a partner? Then there are often financial challenges involved. Therefore, try to become financially independent from your partner.
Logically, you can do this by saving more money and/or increasing your income. Certainly in the area of saving, profits can be made fairly quickly, for example by buying products that are on sale while shopping. This allows you to build up more wealth every month with which you can subsequently become financially free from the narcissist. If possible: inform a confidential counselor who can help you with this.
Protect your money from the narcissist. Make sure that the narcissist cannot get to your saved money. Because as soon as the narcissist notices that the person is losing influence over you because of the money saved, the narcissist will do everything to take the money from you.
Therefore, you must simultaneously keep your savings a secret from the narcissist in order to keep them from reaching it.
Say goodbye from living with a narcissist
Once you have become mentally, spiritually and financially independent from the narcissist, it is time to say goodbye. Living with a narcissist does not have a happy ending. You can never change a narcissist. As difficult as it may be, you have been working towards this point for years. It can only get better from now on.
Our Resources for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
Unmaskingnarcissism.com was created by and for survivors of narcissistic abuse. To help you, we have developed a number of tools based on our knowledge and experience.
A great tool that fits with the content of this article is the ‘30-Day Narcissism Free Challenge‘. During this program, you will discover:
- How to better protect yourself from narcissistic abuse;
- How to break free from the narcissist and stay that way;
- How to get rid of narcissistic manipulations and restore your self-confidence.
We also organize free webinars. Feel free to check if another one will be organized soon.
Forum
We also have our own forum for fellow sufferers. Here you can converse with others and you will be understood by fellow sufferers who have had similar experiences. It has proven to be a huge resource for many victims of narcissistic abuse.
Often you are not well understood in your own environment. That is because narcissistic abuse is difficult for outsiders to understand. You can’t see narcissistic abuse on the outside of someone. This applies to both physical and mental abuse.
Feel free to join our forum and be understood. Together we are strong. By sharing experiences and knowledge, you will be helped, but you can also help others in the future.
Free eBook: 10 Tips for Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
I also have a free E-Book available for you: 10 Tips for Recovery after Narcissistic Abuse. Together with psychologist Corry de Rooy I give 10 tips for recovery after narcissistic abuse. I was narcissistically abused by my mother and I am therefore an experienced expert.
While reading the free e-book you will discover:
- How to guard your boundaries
- How to deal with the influence of a narcissist
- Gain insight into how a narcissist affects you
- How to think positively
- How to enjoy life again
- And much more!
The Dutch version of the eBook has been downloaded more than 20,000 times, and I have been inundated with positive reactions. Therefore, take the first step to recovery by downloading the free e-book and prevent a narcissist from having an influencing on your life any longer.
Take immediate action
Are you currently in a situation where you need to get out of it as soon as possible? Then follow the '30-Day Narcissism Free Challenge'. You benefit from maximum support from fellow sufferers and you receive new tips and insights every day.
In short, the best step you can take is to say goodbye to narcissistic abuse. Be brave and get the prospect of a positive life again!
