Leaving the narcissist is a challenging step for many victims of narcissistic abuse. So, what is holding you back from breaking free from the mental torment? The most significant barrier to escaping your abuser is FEAR!
Fear of Leaving the Narcissist
Indeed, the reason you stay with the narcissist is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of how the narcissist will react. The fear of their anger. Fear of their smear campaigns. The fear of never being recognized for what has been done to you. And the fear of having to start all over again.
These fears trap people in destructive relationships, where they slowly die inside and cannot enjoy life. It is difficult to overcome these fears, but not impossible!
The Biggest Obstacle to Leaving the Narcissist
The biggest obstacle to leaving a narcissist is the fear that arises from long-term abuse. Our subconscious will come up with all kinds of reasons to leave everything as it is and stay with the narcissist.
Our subconscious will tell us that we love the narcissist too much. That we won’t make it alone or that we’ll never find someone like him or her again.
But this is all the result of emotional abuse. The narcissist wants you to believe that you are dependent on him or her and lost without him/her. It may feel like love, but in reality, it is nothing more than psychological manipulation.
Don’t let yourself be fooled by this manipulation. You can do better without the narcissist. Actually, it will make your life better in the long run!
Moreover, when you leave and heal yourself, you have a much better chance of real love and a healthy relationship.
How to Leave a Narcissist?
When you have left your narcissist and later look back at this period with a little more distance, you will see how destructive this relationship with the narcissist was. A narcissist breaks you down psychologically, no matter how strong you are.
Staying with a narcissist has serious consequences for your health, both mentally and physically. But the most drastic thing is that your self-confidence is completely broken down. And this has major consequences for the rest of your life.
See also the article about self-confidence >>
What prevents you from leaving the narcissist?
The three biggest obstacles that victims put up for themselves and prevent them from leaving the narcissist are the following:
“I would have to leave the house and experience a drop in material standard of living.”
But what good is a beautiful house, a car, or long journeys if you’re dying inside?
“What if I leave and the narcissist finds someone else whom he/she treats well? Then it was just me…”
Indeed, after the relationship ends, a narcissist often soon has a new victim. At first, they may be treated well. But don’t worry, they will eventually receive the same treatment you experienced!
What you see is the perfect exterior that other people saw when you were in a relationship with the same narcissist…
“I have to stay for the kids.”
This is a very difficult situation, but from experience, I know the enormous consequences of growing up with a narcissistic parent. Children carry the damage this causes with them for the rest of their lives.
See also the article ‘Narcissistic mother’ >>
Prepare well
If you are still in a relationship with a narcissist, it is wise to plan ahead. Never inform the narcissist in advance that you are going to leave. Try to leave as discreetly as possible. Arrange for shelter in advance and depart when the narcissist is not at home.
Also, try to document as much as possible about the nature of the abuse and when it occurred, especially if dealing with a violent narcissist. In such cases, I also advise filing a report with the police.
After leaving the narcissist…
Generally, two scenarios can unfold after leaving the narcissist. Either you receive a prolonged silent treatment, and you do not hear anything from that person anymore, which is the best outcome for you.
However, behind your back, they may spread slander about you. Rise above this!
It is also possible that they attempt to draw you back into their web of abuse. This could involve intimidation, threats, or manipulation. In cases of intimidation and violence, it is crucial to contact the authorities.
In the case of manipulation, it is essential to be vigilant. Many people find it challenging to resist responding to emails or text messages from their narcissist. This provides the narcissist with an opportunity to manipulate you again.
Narcissists are convinced that you will eventually succumb to their manipulations. Responding to their attempts to reconnect reinforces this belief!
What you need to do is block all email addresses, phone numbers, social media accounts, and the like. If the narcissist still manages to reach you, refrain from responding!
When the narcissist successfully reaches you and provokes a response, you are back in the web of abuse. As long as you are trapped in that web, you are unable to recover!
Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
Leaving a narcissist can be incredibly difficult, especially when it involves someone close to you, such as a parent or a partner.
In my case, it was my mother. When I cut off contact with her, I had no knowledge of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If I had known then what I know now, I would have approached it differently. Nonetheless, the result is that I have been liberated from her.
When I presented my narcissistic mother with the choice at that time, I had no intention of permanently breaking off contact with her. I simply wanted to discuss the psychological abuse during my childhood. As someone who was codependent, I even worried about her immediately after the confrontation.
However, shortly after learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it became clear to me that I never wanted to reconnect with my mother. It was a challenging period then, but I now see it as liberation!
No more manipulations. No more seeking advice and ending up making the wrong choices. I now plan my own life, and it suits me just fine. Life is so much better without a narcissist around!
If you also want to overcome your fear and free yourself from narcissistic abuse, I’ve created the ’30 Day Narcissism Free Challenge’ to assist fellow survivors.
Click here to learn more about this powerful help program >>
Herman
