“Why do I attract narcissists?” This article delves into the reasons behind some individuals becoming magnets for narcissists. It explores the characteristics of people who tend to attract narcissists and the underlying factors that draw narcissists to them.
The Empath
Individuals who possess above-average levels of empathy often find themselves attracting narcissists because of their compassionate nature—they inadvertently provide nourishment to the narcissist.
What is Empathy?
Wikipedia provides the following description of empathy:
Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. In other words, it involves placing oneself in another’s position. Definitions of empathy encompass a broad range of social, cognitive, and emotional processes primarily concerned with understanding others, particularly their emotions. Types of empathy include cognitive empathy, emotional (or affective) empathy, somatic empathy, and spiritual empathy.
Source: Wikipedia
We refer to someone with above-average empathy as an empath. An empath not only understands but also experiences the feelings of others as if they were their own. In relationships, empaths often lose themselves, and they are quickly moved by the injustices in the world.
Why do empaths attract narcissists?
Empathetic individuals who are unfamiliar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are at a very high risk of getting caught up in a web of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists themselves despise empathy and certainly do not extend it towards others. However, when an empathetic person exposes themselves to narcissists, they become prey.
The empath, unaware of what they’ve gotten into, increasingly tries their best for the narcissist. For instance, they may believe that they are not providing enough love to the narcissist and attempt to show even more love. However, for a narcissist, taking is natural, but giving is not…
It’s only when an empath is mentally burned out that they can escape such a toxic relationship. Even then, they often feel guilty about it.
The savior
Saviors perceive pathetic people everywhere and feel the need to rescue them, a noble pursuit in itself. However, because they want to save everyone, they easily attract narcissists.
Saviors are empathetic, sharing an overlap with empaths. Yet, saviors may lose sight of reality even more, frequently finding themselves in troublesome situations as a result.
Why Does the Savior Attract Narcissists?
When a savior encounters someone who quickly shares a pathetic story, they feel compelled to help that person. For instance, they may allow their partner to move in with them way too early.
As narcissists often assume the victim role, they easily trigger the savior. Therefore, it’s crucial to be cautious when a potential partner begins narrating sad stories right from the start.
Narcissists enjoy portraying their previous partner (target) as cruel, aiming to evoke sympathy from the savior. The savior tends to believe and wants to help them, making them exceptionally attractive to narcissists.
Note: I once found myself entangled in a relationship with someone I wanted to ‘save,’ an experience I detail in the article Codependency and Narcissism‘.
People with ADHD
Another group of individuals who attract narcissists are those with ADHD, which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It encompasses a set of symptoms outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
Adults with ADHD often unknowingly make poor choices, largely driven by a desire to please, excel, avoid failure, and fit in with societal norms.
Individuals with ADHD are particularly susceptible to those who make them feel exceptionally fantastic. Consequently, they strive even harder to perform better, as ‘good’ is never quite enough for someone with ADHD.
Why do people with ADHD attract narcissists?
People with ADHD are particularly susceptible to manipulation by narcissists. Their strong desire to please, fit in, and be liked makes them easy targets for narcissistic individuals.
ADHD expert Meinte de Groot has written an extensive guest blog about the connection between ADHD and narcissism.
Click here to read the guest blog on ADHD and Narcissism >>
Overly forgiving people
Some individuals possess an extraordinary capacity for forgiveness. They willingly offer second chances repeatedly. Similar to those in the previous categories, these individuals are truly benevolent souls, perhaps too good for this world.
Why do overly forgiving people attract narcissists?
Overly forgiving individuals, who repeatedly offer second chances, become magnets for narcissists. While a normal person would appreciate the opportunity for redemption, a narcissist takes it for granted. The act of forgiving over and over signals to the narcissist that they can escape consequences for their actions. This continuous forgiveness is perceived as consent for narcissistic abuse, shamelessly exploiting the kindness of overly forgiving people.
People with HSP
As you’ve noticed, there’s significant overlap among the types that attract narcissists, including highly sensitive people (HSP). HSP stands for Highly Sensitive Person.
Highly sensitive people are empathetic, though not everyone empathetic is an HSP. Individuals with HSP are exceptionally attuned to the atmosphere, often feeling discomfort in crowded places due to overstimulation.
Why do people with HSP attract narcissists?
While a narcissist is primarily concerned with themselves, a highly sensitive person (HSP) is primarily concerned with others, creating a perfect, albeit unhealthy, complementarity between HSPs and narcissists. HSPs, driven by a genuine concern for others’ well-being, become attractive to narcissists who thrive on self-centered relationships.
Narcissists, like highly sensitive people, often emerge from dysfunctional families, where a lack of safety and security during their youth fosters a connection between the two. This leads us to the next category of individuals who attract narcissists…
Children of a narcissistic parent
Children with one or both parents having Narcissistic Personality Disorder are likely to attract narcissists later in life, increasing their risk of being in a relationship with one. This tendency arises from their normalization of narcissistic behavior, making it challenging to recognize toxic individuals when encountered.
Growing up in a narcissistic family conditions children to adapt to the narcissist’s demands for survival. The children may develop into either narcissists or codependents. Narcissists learn that being mean and manipulative yields desired outcomes, while codependents believe they receive “love” only by effacing themselves.
Why do children of a narcissistic parent attract narcissists?
Naturally, children who develop into codependents are the most attractive to narcissists. Codependents, by effacing themselves in a relationship, enable the narcissist to sustain abuse over an extended period.
For more insights, read the article ‘Codependency and Narcissism’ >>
Who are narcissists attracted to?
The examples above illustrate that narcissists are drawn to individuals with unclear boundaries. People who struggle to assert themselves become magnets for narcissists.
Even if you do not impose consequences on the narcissist’s destructive behavior, you remain highly attractive to them. As mentioned, a narcissist interprets this as permission for more abuse.
A relationship with a narcissist is inherently destructive, with everything revolving around the narcissist and the other person’s needs disregarded. The perfect victim for a narcissist is someone who effaces themselves and tolerates the abuse.
However, there comes a breaking point. The relationship eventually ends in misery. Narcissists never admit their role, portraying the victim as the perpetrator. In some cases, they may resort to stalking or violence. In more favorable scenarios for the ex, the narcissist quickly finds a new partner, appearing as if they’ve finally found the right one. Sadly, this is just the next victim…
Choose yourself!
The takeaway from this article is to prioritize self-care and self-awareness to avoid attracting narcissists!
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Do you recognize yourself in the types that attract narcissists? Share your thoughts in a comment. Knowledge is power!
