One of the most profound consequences of narcissistic abuse is the erosion of self-confidence. Repeatedly hearing derogatory remarks creates a negative self-image. In this article, I’ll delve deeper into this issue and guide you on restoring your confidence.
What is self-confidence?
Before I delve into how a narcissist undermines our self-confidence and what you can do to reclaim it, let’s first establish some definitions of self-confidence.
Self-confidence is:
- Believing in yourself.
- Trusting in your own capabilities.
- Feeling that you don’t need anyone else to achieve your goals.
- A sense of assurance in your abilities, qualities, and judgment.
A confident individual leaves a lasting impression on others, especially when articulating opinions or making proposals. Even in the face of criticism, a truly self-confident person remains resolute.
Ironically, a narcissist may project self-confidence, yet in reality, they lack it entirely. Genuine self-confidence doesn’t involve belittling or demeaning others.
How a Narcissist Erodes Your Self-Confidence
Those who’ve experienced narcissistic abuse know the drill: constant assertions that you’re no good, selfish, crazy, and fundamentally bad. In reality, the narcissist is projecting their own flaws onto you!
Yet, when you’re bombarded with these messages daily, especially from a young age like in my case with my narcissistic mother, you start internalizing them. The systematic undermining of the target is profoundly damaging to self-confidence.
A self-assured individual typically maintains a positive self-image. However, due to the relentless criticism and blame from the narcissist, you find yourself adopting a negative self-perception. This is the root cause of deep-seated insecurity!
A lack of self-confidence affects:
- Your happiness
- Healthy relationships
- Your personal success
- Mental stability
- Positive expectations
- Mental and social resilience
Restoring your confidence
Restoring your confidence is a gradual process, especially after prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse. To regain self-confidence, it’s crucial to understand the underlying reasons and transform negative thoughts into positive ones.
Ten Tips to Restore Your Confidence:
- Reflect on how you judge yourself; we are often too hard on ourselves. Treat yourself as kindly as you would a good friend.
- Create a list of things you excel at.
- Compile a list of accomplishments that make you proud.
- Shift your focus from negative aspects, such as narcissistic abuse, to positive achievements. Celebrate the progress you’ve made; it boosts confidence.
- Acknowledge that everyone harbors insecurities.
- Surround yourself with positive individuals. Bid farewell to those who undermine you or are perpetually negative.
- Understand that building self-confidence is a gradual process; be patient and persistent.
- Cultivate self-love, reducing susceptibility to negative comments.
- Accept compliments without reservation; resist the urge to qualify them with “yes, but…”
- Adhere to your principles; saying no with conviction garners more respect than being easily swayed.
Boost your self-confidence by reading books!
Here’s an extra tip: Dive into various books on self-confidence to kickstart your journey. Here are some recommended reads:
The Power of Discipline: How to Use Self Control and Mental Toughness to Achieve Your Goals
Author: Daniel Walter
Meet Daniel Walter, a determined man from Canada driven by an ambitious spirit and a passion to empower people to achieve more. Through his books, he guides those seeking to enhance concentration, develop robust habits, and expand their memory capacity.
With a mission to share a wealth of insights from his lifelong experiences and extensive research, Daniel aims to illuminate the manifold benefits and blessings that come with liberation from procrastination and distractions.
The Power of Discipline
Have you spent weeks, months, or even years trying to achieve your goals but keep failing?
Have you given up on becoming successful because your futile efforts have led you to believe that success is only for the select few?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions—don’t worry, there is still hope for you!
Before achieving anything in life, a solid foundation of self-discipline is essential. Talent, intelligence, and skill are only part of the equation. Positive thinking, affirmations, and vision boards are also components. However, to turn your dreams into reality, you need self-discipline.
Self-discipline is what keeps you focused when everything seems to be falling apart, and failure appears imminent. It provides the mental toughness required to dismantle the limitations you’ve placed on yourself and break through all obstacles standing in the way of your goals.
How to Use Self Control and Mental Toughness to Achieve Your Goals
How would you feel if I told you that your inability to achieve your goals does not arise from laziness or lack of drive, but rather, it’s a problem because you have never been taught how to practice self-discipline?
People are not born with self-discipline; like driving or playing tennis, it’s a skill that you learn. In ‘The Power of Discipline,’ you will gain access to easy-to-read, scientific explanations about self-discipline, including:
- How to master self-discipline by targeting certain areas of the brain
- The Navy SEALs’ secrets to self-discipline
- The Zen Buddhists’ secrets to self-discipline
- How to make hard work exciting
- How to ditch your bad habits and adopt the habits of successful people
- Strategies to keep going when your motivation runs out
- And much, much more
By applying the principles in this book, you will develop your self-discipline, bulldoze toward your goals, become an unstoppable force of nature, and start living the life you know you deserve!
It’s impossible to buy back the time you have lost, but you can take control of your future.
Click here for more information about The Power of Discipline >>
The Self-Love Workbook: A Life-Changing Guide to Boost Self-Esteem, Recognize Your Worth and Find Genuine Happiness
Author: Shainna Ali
Shainna Ali is a mental health counselor, educator, and advocate. Dr. Shainna is the author of ‘The Self-Love Workbook’ as well as ‘The Self-Love Workbook for Teens.’ She is passionate about destigmatizing mental health counseling and helping individuals worldwide recognize the importance of fostering mental wellness.
Experience the life-changing magic of self-love!
You need love from yourself as much as from others. When you have low self-esteem, low confidence, or even self-hatred, it’s impossible to live life to the fullest. It’s time to build your self-love and transform your attitude, emotions, and overall outlook on life! This helpful workbook allows you to become aware of your unique needs and goals while discovering how to better accept and love your true self. It includes a variety of constructive and actionable tips, tricks, and exercises, including:
- Interactive Activities
Explore a variety of fun and creative ways to love yourself. - Reflection Prompts
Unpack your experiences and connect them to new lessons. - Helpful Advice
Deepen your understanding of self-love and utilize it in the real world.
Self-love allows you not only to see your true self but to truly accept who you are wholeheartedly. With this acceptance comes the freedom and confidence to live your life to its fullest. It’s time to conquer self-doubt and self-sabotage. It’s time to love yourself!
Click here for more information about the Self-Love Workbook >>
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Author: Matthew McKay
Matthew McKay is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. He received his PhD in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology. In private practice, he specializes in the cognitive-behavioral treatment of anxiety and depression.
McKay has authored and coauthored numerous books about stress reduction and self-confidence. His books have sold more than 2.5 million copies. Therapists also recommend his books.
Self-Esteem
If you struggle with low self-esteem or seek positive and effective ways to build a healthy sense of self-worth, this much-anticipated fourth edition of the best-selling classic by Matthew McKay is your go-to guide. This fully revised edition features an innovative application of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to self-esteem and utilizes updated cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you create positive change and thrive.
Circumstances and status can affect self-esteem—many factors can contribute to the way we see ourselves—but the one contributing factor that all people who struggle with low self-esteem have in common is our thoughts. Of course, we all have a better chance of feeling good about ourselves when things are going well, but it’s really our interpretation of our circumstances that can cause trouble, regardless of what they are.
This revised and updated fourth edition of the best-selling *Self-Esteem* uses proven-effective methods of CBT and relevant components of ACT to help you raise low self-esteem by working on the way you interpret your life. You’ll learn how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy self-esteem, uncover and analyze negative self-statements, and create new, more objective and positive self-statements to support your self-esteem rather than undermine it. With cutting-edge material on defusion and values, you’ll learn to let go of judgmental, self-attacking thoughts and act in accordance with what matters to you most, enhancing your sense of self-worth.
If you struggle with low or unhealthy self-esteem, this new edition of *Self-Esteem*, packed with evidence-based tips and techniques, has everything you need to improve the way you see yourself for better overall well-being.
Click here for more information about the Self-Esteem Program >>
Finally
Reading books has helped me regain my confidence by providing new insights. I learned how my own thoughts undermine my self-confidence and how I could convert these thoughts into positive ones. I strongly recommend that you read books on this subject too!
Click here for more books that will help you restore your self esteem >>
