What is a narcissist?

On this website, we frequently use the term ‘narcissist’. But what is a narcissist? In this article, I aim to provide a clear answer to that question.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

When referring to a narcissist, we’re actually talking about someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, commonly abbreviated as NPD.

An individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has an inflated perception of their own importance, losing touch with reality. They fail to see themselves and others in a realistic manner and exhibit selfish behavior. Additionally, someone with NPD lacks the ability to empathize with others, showing a complete absence of empathy.

What is a narcissist according to Sigmund Freud?

The concept of narcissism was first introduced by neurologist Sigmund Freud, who derived the term from the Greek mythological figure Narcissus. According to the myth, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in the water.

Freud used the term narcissism to describe a behavior marked by self-obsession. He referred to individuals who focus solely on their own needs, disregarding those of others. Such individuals exploit others to fulfill their own desires, lack genuine love for others, and primarily seek to be loved themselves.

What is a narcissist according to the DSM?

The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM) is the authoritative guide for diagnosing psychiatric disorders. According to the DSM-IV, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is identified by the presence of at least five out of nine specified narcissistic traits:

1. Possesses an exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g., overstates achievements and expects to be recognized as superior without equivalent accomplishments).
2. Is absorbed with fantasies of boundless success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
3. Believes they are “special” and unique, and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
4. Demands excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement, such as unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
6. Exploits others to achieve personal ends.
7. Lacks empathy and is reluctant to recognize or share the feelings and needs of others.
8. Often feels envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
9. Exhibits arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.

With the introduction of the DSM-V, the classification of personality disorders underwent significant changes, including the establishment of five primary groups. Narcissism is categorized under antisocial personality disorders, characterized by traits such as arrogance, an inflated ego, self-centeredness, and exploiting others for personal gain.

What is a Narcissists in Real Life?

Identifying a narcissist is not straightforward. Outwardly, they often appear as the ideal parent, spouse, or employee, concealing their true nature from everyone except their victims.

For those subjected to narcissistic abuse, the challenge is exacerbated by disbelief from others. The external persona of the narcissist, often seen as exceptionally charming, makes it difficult for outsiders to grasp the reality of their monstrous behavior. As a result, victims struggle to find validation for their experiences, despite the profound impact of the abuse.

Types of Narcissism:

Overt Narcissism

Overt narcissists are somewhat easier to recognize. They frequently boast about their achievements and belittle those of others. Although they may be mocked behind their backs, their detrimental conduct is typically not acknowledged by those around them.

Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists represent a more subtle and perilous threat. They do not openly boast about their accomplishments, and their actions are not readily identified as narcissistic, making them particularly deceptive and harmful.

What is Typical Narcissist Behavior?

Narcissistic traits such as self-centeredness, arrogance, and manipulation have been discussed, but what does narcissistic behavior look like in daily life? How can you identify someone with a narcissistic personality disorder?

Here are some typical narcissistic behaviors:

• Lack of Empathy: They show an inability to empathize with others' feelings.
• Inability to Take Criticism: Narcissists may become enraged when criticized, especially by those they deem inferior.
• Manipulation: They are adept at subtly shifting focus away from their harmful actions. For more details, refer to the article on Signs of a Narcissist.
• Attention Seeking and Admiration: Overt narcissists openly seek attention and admiration. Covert narcissists do so more subtly.
• Projection: Narcissists often accuse others of having the traits that they themselves possess. For instance, a narcissistic parent might call their child selfish, despite being egocentric.
• Arrogance: They demean others; overt narcissists do so blatantly, while covert narcissists do so subtly. Often, only the victim perceives the demeaning message, leading to their anger and subsequent misunderstanding by bystanders.
• Jealousy: Narcissists are jealous of others but claim others are jealous of them. For further reading, see the article on Narcissistic Jealousy: Malicious Envy.
• Victim Playing: They portray themselves as the victim and the real victim as the aggressor.
• Narcissistic Gaslighting: They make others doubt their sanity.
• Inducing Guilt: They twist situations to make the victim feel guilty.
• Backhanded Compliments: Narcissists are skilled at giving compliments laced with insult. An example might be, “You're wearing beautiful clothes. They would suit someone more attractive.”

These behaviors are hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder, manifesting in both overt and covert forms. Recognizing these traits can be the first step in addressing and navigating interactions with narcissists.

Is Everyone Slightly Narcissistic?

It's common for most individuals to exhibit narcissistic traits to varying degrees, and to some extent, this is healthy. Having a sense of self-love is essential for a fulfilling life. However, it becomes a concern when narcissism manifests in harmful ways.

Moreover, the narcissistic tendencies in ordinary people are usually fleeting. Everyone experiences feelings of jealousy or anger occasionally. Typically, these emotions are followed by remorse. This capacity for regret is what distinguishes the average person from a narcissist. A narcissist, on the other hand, never experiences regret.

Unmasking Narcissism

Through this article, I aim to provide some insight into the question: What is a narcissist? However, unmasking a narcissist is no easy task in reality. Their ability to feign charm makes this particularly challenging, especially for those unfamiliar with the phenomenon of narcissism.

For further information and practical examples on identifying narcissistic behavior, refer to the article on Signs of a Narcissist.

Another complication with narcissists is their reluctance to accept a diagnosis. They firmly believe that nothing is wrong with them, placing the blame on others, often the target. While as a layperson, you are not authorized to make a diagnosis, at most, you can voice your suspicions.

Explore the article on Diagnosing Narcissism for additional insights.

If you have any contributions to the question "What is a narcissist?" or wish to share experiences and tips, please leave a comment below. Knowledge is power!